she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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