you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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