This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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