Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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