How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
