The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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