Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
