That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
