I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
