He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
