census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
