So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
