just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
