DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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