Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
