Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
