The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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