I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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