I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
