I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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