the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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