I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
