you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
