How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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