you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
