You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
