Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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