I looked at my own cervix.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
