when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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