I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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