when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
