in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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