he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
