when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
