I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
