I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
