out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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