sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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