I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How does one acquire holy water?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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