just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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