I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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