Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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