You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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