At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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