i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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