yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
