I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
