Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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