we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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