Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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