accomplished twins. life is a go
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
