This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
