My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have peed in a lot of sinks
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
