Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
