I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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