I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
