You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
