Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
