Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
