it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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