Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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