well I can't set my house on fire every night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
