1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
