And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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