did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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