someone get that fucking seahorse.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
