Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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