So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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