Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
