we're blogging at a bar
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
