Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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