I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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