Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
